Choosing the right counsellor
“We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know.”
Carl Rogers
It's important to remember that counselling is about exploring, understanding, healing, growth and positive change. That's why I recommend a counsellor who is empathic and non-judgemental, but is also challenging and direct. A good counsellor will be curious, open-minded and willing to let people explore options in life that are different from their own. With the many different ways of working that therapists advertise, and the long list of traits and skills we're recommended to look out for, you may be wondering where to start in your search. Knowing what you want from therapy is a good place to start.
Ask yourself:
- Why therapy and why now?
- What would you like to work on?
- What is your desired outcome?
- Are you prepared to put in the work to achieve your goal?
- What do you expect from your therapist?
- What have been your experiences of therapy so far? What was useful? What wasn't?
Your answers are a great way to use an introductory call with any prospective counsellor.
Where should I search?
The safest way to search for a counsellor in the UK is through reputable sites such as:
British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)
National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS)
These organisations (along with other counselling ethical bodies), make all the necessary checks around training and qualifications before any therapist can be listed on their directories. You will have a chance to easily view the many profiles in your area (or nationwide if you are looking for online therapy) and find out more about how a therapist works and how they can help you. Let's not forget the all important image or, even better, video too. I'm sure we're all guilty of thumbing through until we find a face we like the look of! Actually, I find this is quite an important aspect when in search of a counsellor. After all, you are planning on opening up to this person about your most personal experiences, thoughts and feelings. There is a level of connection to be made through knowing what traits you are looking for in the therapist, and what they look like, for example, warmth, professionalism, quirkiness. Look out for whether they offer a free introductory short call to establish any practical factors and indeed if there is a connection.
Does a 15 minute introductory call ensure I will pick the right counsellor?
Well no, not entirely, is the honest answer. But what it does is allow you to gain a sense of the counsellor’s personality and communication style, whilst sensing what vibe is going on between the two of you - something that can't be felt through the written word. Asking any specific questions that are deal breakers, raising any preferences or concerns, and determining whether you feel comfortable and at ease during the call, also go a long way to making the right choice.
Additionally, the call is an opportunity for the counsellor to understand whether they’re the right professional to support you, or whether another specialist might be more appropriate. You do not want a therapist who is 'out of their depth' nor does the therapist want to work unethically.
Once you have someone that ticks all of the above, book in your first session and take it from there!
And remember...
Reflect after each session
Ask yourself: Did I feel heard? Understood? Safe? Supported?
Progress often emerges gradually, but comfort should build steadily.
Be honest about what you need
If you prefer a more structured approach, or want someone who gives gentle guidance rather than open-ended reflection, say so. A good counsellor will adapt or recommend alternatives.
Remember the relationship is collaborative
You’re not a passive participant — your engagement and feedback help shape the process.
It's okay to say if you do not want to continue with further sessions.
This is your right!
Wishing you all the best with your journey
